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    December 31

    新年愿望

    岁末。年终。
    还是喜欢“年关”这个表达,好像过了就有天清云澄,好像过了就可以一马平川,好像过了就结束一场战役,换来平安,换来幸福,换来安定。
    年关要携手某人,一起黑到底。虽然年终我们终于小小翻盘。
     
    今天,终于要承认自己是一个要求高的人,因为从来至条件于感情之上。sorry.这是错,不能改的错。
    但还是决定要对四个人say sorry。辜负了友情和感情,是的辜负。我做了自己以为对的事情,但是其实是辜负,因为别人的情感和付出选择与我不同。所以,是我辜负。你们的幸福就当作我的赎罪,虽然发现自己还是情愿躲开。p sir说可以有自己成长的路,现在终于明白,路不同,会有多么大的代价,真因为这个代价,更要坚持走下去,也更要学会体谅和感恩。
     
    在08最后一天寄出春节贺卡。想起那样的自由,有的人喜欢有的人冷漠。
     
    昨天去了B consulate 华丽,安静,居高临下。其实圈起来还是日常的汲汲营营,很多要求,并不是为了某个职位,某个工作的需要,而是为了维护某个圈子。
    遇到N,住在学校里租的公寓,每天到图书馆看书。真的是大学生活的延续,只是,一句“等你出来工作就会明白”回答了关于目前的working status,原来还是到了另一个世界。
     
    又开始觉得有点恐慌,想到“转型”。我们从一个生命阶段转到另一个生命阶段,我们面临不同的任务不同的角色。我想走入不同的圈子。只是我现在到底走在哪条路上。迷雾的山中,那些花香,那些叶绿,那些关于春的美好,是幻境,还是我登到顶突然发现自己想要的,竟然就在可见不可及的对岸。
    生活与工作。自己好像越来越失去生活和朋友。what's wrong with me?
     
    还是要安下心来,写写,说说,走走,停停。未知,就往前走,走一点,就看多一点。move on and best wishes...
     
    新年愿望:成为一个可以被家人依靠的肩膀。friends。 someone to be by my side.

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